The Debut Novel Takes Forever

Why haven’t I posted since January? Because this novel has taken precedence over everything. The Gloria brain wants to do nothing else only write the book. The Tasheenga brain wants to be on here having fun and a laugh with her old buddies, and doing stuff on the internet like other normal people.

There’s no point in having a blog if you’re not connecting with other bloggers on the Facebook groups, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and others that I’ve had to completely abandon. The FB app has been disabled on the phone because it’s a distraction. It’s not as easy to waste time on FB if the only way in is via the laptop. But, social media is how we connect with other bloggers and writers, and we can’t let that go. Balance Gloria, balance.

The biggest thing that Glo and I have discovered about writing your first novel, is that it takes a very long time. Initially we were thinking two years maybe, but we didn’t realise how much time would be spent actually learning how to do it – properly. It has to be done right or not at all. At least we both agree on that much. And then there’s all the research.

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Anyway, I’ll tell you what’s been happening. Continue reading

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Saphirra Can’t Wear Hats (Snigger)

It’s all well and good sitting at the laptop with my morning coffee, looking out at the snow peaked Mount Nephin, waiting for inspiration for my next chapter (or blog post) – but it gets cold at this time of year. And I’ve noticed this winter that the coldest part of me is my legs.

It’s too early to light the fire and I can’t be putting the oil burner on every hour of the day. Some mornings I’m wearing so many layers that I look like a human wardrobe. But I love winter time. Woolly jumpers and even woollier hats are two of my favourite things.

I came up with a great idea! Legwarmers. Back in the 80’s nobody had cold legs; because they wore their legwarmers. “Where have they gone?” I asked myself. Then I asked Google. Found some. Ordered them. Received two days later. #bringbackthe80s

I love that I don’t care!

I love them! Okay, they’re not the sexiest things but do I care? Not really; but I did whip them off one day when the plumber arrived. Legwarmers look cool when they’re on a red hot dancer. But when you’re in your house wearing a dress with black tights and a poncho – not so cool.

Saphirra and Mohotma had a great sneer when they saw them! Those two are always laughing at my clothes. Saphirra is the biggest sneer! One night she called my lovely red coat a blanket. She loves it really, but she won’t admit it.

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A Night Out With The Foreigners

You know when you get new clothes, and you can’t wait to wear them? I was like that this week with my new Christmas clothes. I didn’t get to have a night out in them, so I asked my friends from the West on a night out. Friday night in our favourite pub, Hammersons!

It’s time I introduced you to my Westie friends, Taika, Mathilde and Vitoria. As you all know, I seem to be attracted to foreigners. I find them very interesting and educational and I find it easy to make friends with them. Stephano says I just love collecting foreign friends as if they’ll be worth money some day…..y’know like stamps or something. But I just ignore him – he thinks he’s funny!

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Don’t be Like Benny – The Serial WhatsApp Group Leaver.

‘Benny left the group’. This is the first message that appears in all our family WhatsApp groups.

I do believe there’s one in every family. The Serial WhatsApp Group Leaver. In our family his name is Benny.

I also believe that in every family, there’s The Serial WhatsApp Group Creator. In our family, her name is Charlene.

Benny doesn’t like being in groups and Charlene doesn’t like people leaving groups – especially the ones she has created (which is 99% of them).

There are many types of WhatsApp groups out there. Here is a list of my top ten groups that I bet you are all in – unless you’re like Benny.

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Get yourself killed for #FOMO

Mobile phone

I nearly knocked down a young woman this morning on my way to school. Was I watching the road diligently? Yes! Was I driving over the speed limit? No! Had I alcohol or drugs in my system? No! Was I on my phone? No! But she bloody was! I was so angry I almost got out of the car and slapped her.

She was crossing the road while scrolling through some shite on her phone. Didn’t lift her head to check if there were any cars coming…..just simply walked out in front of me. Actually, correction; she was ‘speed’ walking! No, I don’t care if it was important stuff she was looking at. No, I don’t care if she was having problems with her boyfriend or whoever. No, I don’t care what issues she was going through.

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Part Two – You can Make me Whole Again!

If you missed part one of Mohotma’s adventures, you can read it here!

So, Mohotma Coatalay was wrecked after all the sightseeing in Bali, and she was looking forward to her flight to Darwin. On the plane she was sitting next to a lovely little Filipino man, who introduced himself as Homobono. He sat nice and tidy in his seat so she had plenty of elbow room and leg space.

Homobono was very friendly and he chatted away to Mohotma as they sipped their drinks and nibbled on their snacks. But Mohotma was so knackered that she dozed off unknown to herself. She was out like a light and her head slumped onto Homobono’s shoulder; mouth wide open she drooled Merlot tainted slobbers all over his lovely Bench cotton shirt. Oops!

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She got over her embarrassment though, and cheered up when she discovered upon checking into her hotel in Darwin, that she got a room upgrade. Jammy. As. Ever.

More amazing photos followed; Alice Springs, sunrise at Ayres Rock and aboriginal rock art in Kakadu National Park- (Read more about that here)

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Watching Sunrise at Ayers Rock

The water babe that our Mohotma is, she went swimming in rock pools in Litchfield and you wouldn’t believe what else she did; she auditioned for ‘I’m a Celebrity Get me Outta Here’. She pretended to be Nigella Lawson and did the whole bikini shower thing under a waterfall and everything! She almost got away with it too, but her Cavan accent let her down big time. It’s just not as posh as Nigella’s.

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Ah….doesn’t the cork hat suit her! 

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Wildlife Boat Trip

Next stop – Sydney! Time to spend a few days with her favourite nephew Rahul, his partner Jaanvi and their little boy Sanjay. Aw….the photos are fabulous! Yes Rahul, Bondi beach was a fabulous place to bring your lovely Auntie Mohotma; but…….skateboarding? Seriously? What were you thinking? She ain’t no spring chicken any more, y’know!

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However, joining in with the buskers on the street was more her style. She was riding shotgun didgeridoo underneath the hot sun feeling like a someone! 

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Mohotma was a right little Dora the Explorer; walking around the streets of Sydney with not much more than a map in her backpack. She even drew the map HERSELF!! I have to hand it to her though – she got a train to Circular Quay and Darling Harbour, without getting lost. Saphirra and I went to Dublin by train once. We got there fine, but we got ‘quite’ lost on our return. We ended up back in the city and had to get a bus home. It added about five hours to our journey; I was like the divil. That’s what we got for not inviting Mohotma to come with us!

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More foodie photos followed; Rahul and Jannvi took Mohotma out on the town and treated her to a slapper slap-up meal in a posh restaurant. I thought there was something innuendous about the menu when I read it on our Whatsapp group, but it made sense when Mohotma explained that the restaurant was a brothel many years ago!

Mohotma’s Dinner

Appetizer; Deep fried Battered Crocodile Penis (I swear)

Starter; Canadian Trollops served with Masculine Salad (No Dressing)

Main Course; Grilled Stripped Salmon served on a double bed of Mini Skirted Vegetables, smothered in a Rich Creamy Sauce

Dessert; Passion Fruit served between Two Large Melons – with Cherries on Top

Food

Battered Crocodile Penis

They say you can tell a lot about a person by their food choices. 

After dinner they visited the brothel museum/boutique upstairs and Mohotma bought herself a fabulous outfit to wear to her niece Ambuja’s upcoming wedding. A Western Authentic Brothel Babe dress in red and black; soooo her colours. She’s going to look absolutely stunning! I hope she doesn’t upstage the bride though! 

I think she’s boarding a train early in the morning to begin her journey home. No doubt we have a lot more stories to hear from our forever friend when she gets back. We truly hope that Mohotma’s adventures in Bali and Australia have made her feel whole again and full of the joys of life! 

Thank you so much Mohotma for sharing your adventures with us. You’re great craic and a ray of sunshine in all our lives! And thank you for allowing me to post your photos.

You Can Make Me Whole Again – Part one!

I’m so jealous right now. Mohotma Coataly is away out in Australia somewhere – without Saphirra and me. Like, what is she thinking…..? She’ll be so bored without us!

Okay….we understand. You see, Mohotma lost her husband in January and to say she is heartbroken, is an understatement. She’s a strong woman and very accepting of what life throws at her, but it still can’t be easy losing your lifelong partner and friend.

It was a sad time for all of us as he was one of our closest friends; he is missed so much. We have many fond and funny memories of Mr Coatalay and we love that we can talk about the good times without feeling like we’re upsetting our special friend Mohotma.

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Sure Saphirra and I thought we could make her feel whole again, but apparently three weeks in Australia is what she needs. She couldn’t have gone any further away from us. We’re very hurt. Sigh…… to be honest I couldn’t afford to go anyway. Saphirra could, because she just landed herself a posh new office job somewhere near Doom. Going on nights out now with her new work mates; next thing she’ll be wearing high heels and lipstick every day! It’s not that I’m jealous or anything; God no!

Mohotma’s first stop was Bali. She boasted about eating pig’s ears and said there is two million of them on the Island. I think she means people though – not pig’s ears. Balcony views, sunny beach and sunset photos followed. Drinking beer and eating Balanese tiger prawns. I think she’s going to eat and drink her way through the next three weeks. (Yep, she’ll be whole again.)

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However, she’s moving around plenty. She dressed all Hindu style and joined in with their traditional dance. Shook off some of that buttered chicken she devoured with the pig’s ears on her first night.

Turtle Island sounds fab but she looked a bit ‘Fifty Shades’ with that snake wrapped around her! Not for me…no thanks! (The snake that is…I’d be fine with Fifty Shades)

The Cat Poo coffee? Apparently it’s the most expensive coffee in the world. But no no no…. I would not drink coffee that came from a cat’s bum. I’ll stick to my Bewleys thank you very much.

I have to say though, she definitely looks amazing in her photos. Especially the one of her being Rose on the Titanic – even if it is just a wee rowing boat she’s in – bless her! She’s definitely glowing! I can’t share the photos just in case an internet stalker hunts her down and kidnaps her. I’d never forgive myself.

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Now I did say she was brave earlier….. well, she’s braver than I thought. She went to the beach wearing an itsy bitsy teeny weeny black no-polka-dot bikini. Woo hoo…… go Mohotma. We didn’t get a photo but I bet she pulled it off fabulously. There’ll be no stopping her now.

She was boarding a plane to Darwin the last time we heard from her. She gave me her flight number so that I could track her on Flightradar. Yes, she’s landed. But she must be sleeping. No doubt we’ll soon get a photo of her breakfast!

To be continued………..HERE